Khon's Suck Fest

Another weekend of Houston International Fest, so I thought I'd make a return visit Saturday since I had such a rockin', good time the week before. Bad decision. The line to get in was as long as the line at the DMV office, and the people were equally as customer friendly as they are there. The elderly, leathery woman behind me snarled " you know you have to have a ticket to be in this line?". Thanks Captain Obvious. I could only hope with her recessive genes that she would leave Ifest with one helluva sunburn. Bitch.

It was too boring for this swinger, so after listening to Los Pistoleros and Zydepunks, I rode the bus to Khon's. This is a great bar on Milam at Drew. Beer is cold and the people are friendly. I told Khon that I would be back on the sabbath to booze it up. Khon said he would be having a crawfish boil after 3pm. Wow-a totally unkosher thing to do, so count me in.

When I returned to Khon's on Sunday, there was Houston's hottest indie musician, Mr. Cory Sinclair of The Manichean. I was elated when hottie Cory invited me to sit at a table with he and his friend, Mark. Mark was a mudbug virgin like me, so I was a little less nervous about my first time sucking head. Cory sucked like a pro. Mark and I started catching on until someone told us we were eating crawfish shit. That sort of took the wind out of my sails. Elation returned upon the arrival of my buds Mary and Shannon. Mary is the Croat, and Shannon is the Bowling Alley Slut. A fun time always follows these head suckers. With the appearance of Justice, Josh, Austin, Ashley and Mo, the suck circle was complete.

Khon's is a great hang-out, and lots of major crawfish sucking went down Sunday. Not that I'd do it again, but I enjoyed the experience and especially the company at the Khon's Suck Fest.

got shrooms?

April means that it's time for the Houston International Fest. This weekend and next weekend, tons of Texans will head downtown for music, food and libations, as we salute the Caribbean. In staying with the Ifest theme, I wore my "got shrooms?" shirt. It always makes for good conversation, and my METRO driver was the first to get a nice chuckle from reading it. Line 82 always has pleasant drivers who seem to enjoy the diversity of their clientale.

I got to Ifest around noon, and headed straight to the beer tent. Something about the sound of steel drums makes me thirsty. I think the beer tent workers had been doing a little quality control with the kegs before I arrived because they were way too happy to see me. Maybe beer just brings out the best in people. I then went shopping and stopped at a cool place called Just Pop It! Debbie and Dan from Kingwood sell these super wonderful bottle poppers with college mascots on them. What a great idea! I bought six of them since that's how many bottles are in a six pack...actually they make great gifts so I stocked up for my friends.

I then headed towards the Louisiana Stage since The Mark May Band featuring Miss Molly was going to play in a little while. Miss Molly brings back blissful memories of the early 90's and Party on the Plaza. Miss Molly used to wear a tiara and crack a huge bull whip over the audience as she sang. Good times, good times. I got sidetracked heading to prepare for Miss Molly, but ended up watching the MacGregor Elementary Steel Band. These kids were awesome. They were so good I had to get another beer. Once again, I was headed to the Louisiana Stage when Justin the King of Ifest grabbed me and told me I could win some shrooms if I made this hellacious putt. He tricked me! But I did get a fabulous conciliation prize of a bottle of Citracal. Now I'm a winner with strong bones!

While waiting on Miss Molly to begin, I talked to a nice lady named Glenda. She told me she was a METRO driver. She's my idol! I believe she said she drove the #20 line, so I will have to check out Miss Glenda's bus one day. As the music started, there was a man wearing a pirate hat with a fake parrot on his shoulder rollerskating to the beat. He was really good. I would have busted my ass several times attempting this guy's dance/skate moves. His name is Cliff, and you can see him rollerskating around Houston often along Westheimer. Who says Houston's not a green city??? FINALLY, the still marvelous Miss Molly was on stage. What a voice, but where's the tiara and whip? I guess she hung those up with the 90's. Miss Molly is still the best in my book. All that music made me thirsty again so I meandered back to the beer tent then off to shop on Bob Marley avenue. Those vendors really enjoyed my shirt which had more than a few beer stains on it by late afternoon. The Caribbean and shrooms make for a perfect Saturday in downtown Houston.

Isaac and the Promised Land

A beautiful Saturday once the storms blew away. Decided to visit Discovery Green to see what Yuri Day was all about. It's great that such a dynamic capitalist city like Houston can pay tribute to the first communist in space, Yuri Gagarin. My bus ride was swell. Marvin the Bus Driver even pulled over to let one of my bus buddies lean out the bus door to hand one of his street buddies a cigarette. I bet the Phillip Morris company loves METRO. Downtown Marvin told me to have a fun, safe day, and I told him I would pray for him once the sun went down.

At the Yuri booth, our own NASA gave me tons of material about space flight. I hope our liberal congress will keep funding NASA because they certainly support our schools. Yuri Gagarin was the first human to go into space on April 12, 1961. Thanks to him the USA decided we'd better beat those russians to the moon, so, in short, that gave birth to our glorious NASA. Thanks Yuri!

The Astros were at home, so Minute Maid Park had the roof open on this sunny spring day. Nice and breezy on my walk through downtown. The corner of Main and Walker is like the epicenter of weekend action. As I was watching a few downtowners get tossed out of the convenience store, I was intrigued by one gentleman who seemed to know everyone and tried to keep the peace. His name is Isaac, and I do believe he is the most interesting downtowner I've interviewed to date. Isaac is 48 and has lived in various locations around the downtown area for 20-plus years. He is a native Houstonian, and he loves his city. Isaac told me he can find up to $200 a weekend along Main St. since all the drunken bar patrons drop money as they are stumbling from bar to bar. Isaac told me that he considered downtown Houston to be the Promised Land. He told me this several times in our conversation so I know this revelation was close to his heart. Isaac pointed out several buildings and told me what was there now and what was there 20 years ago. He showed me the place where his parents bought him his first bicycle when he turned 5 years old. Everyone knows him downtown. Even after his three stints in prison, he would come back home to downtown and his clothes would be waiting for him. Isaac told me that the downtowners take care of each other. He also said that when the bars all close down at night and it's quiet, downtown gives him peace of mind. Isaac is a prodigious reader siting Kellerman, Patterson, Grisham and Cook as some of his favorites. He was a wonderful tour guide. Isaac asked if he could buy me a beer, but I wanted to check out Flying Saucer, which ended up being a little too fake for me. Next time I'll toss one back outside with the prophet of the Promised Land, Isaac!

Houston is a Small City

Rode #82 downtown to Discovery Green on April 3rd for an Earth Day celebration. I thought Earth Day was always April 22nd, but knowing how Houston likes to be a trend-setter, I assumed we just wanted to get a jump on the rest of the USA. Only one rider was threatened by the bus driver to be tossed off if he didn't turn his music down. Now that I think about it, the bus driver looked a lot like Snoop Dogg. Knowing that Snoop Dogg worships plants that are grown naturally from the earth, I think he would make for one helluva fun bus driver on Earth Day.

Discovery Green was filled with earth loving Houstonians, and lots of organizations were there promoting clean/green living for our city. Of course, I had to stop and chat with my peeps at the Metro booth. They were so friendly until I suggested they hire more vegetation loving rap stars to commandeer their busses. Metro had no comment...

As I was leaving and walking to my bus stop, I saw a cool dude wobbling down the middle of the street talking to himself. It was 80 degrees and he was dressed for a heavy snowfall. He made it through the intersection unscathed, so hopefully I can find him next weekend for an interview.

Walking down Milam, I spotted a barefooted gentleman sitting amongst a dozen trash bags. His name is Raul, and he has lived in Houston for 14 years. I asked if the bags were his home, and Raul replied that they housed his winter wardrobe. He said that we might have another cold snap, so he was going to haul them around for another week then dump them. I wonder which bag his shoes were in??? Raul was quite adamant that Houston was a small city and that the biggest city ever was 4 hours east of here. It doesn't have a name, and Raul got a little agitated when I asked if he was talking about New Orleans. He began wildly gesticulating towards the east and proclaiming that HELL NO, it's 4 hours that way! When I asked if I could take his picture, Raul told me no ma'am because his shirt was dirty. He was then fixated on this utopian city 4 hours that way, so it wasn't long before I told him he'd best invest in a good pair of shoes if he was going to walk down the yellow brick road to the biggest city 4 hours that way. Bye Raul...send me a postcard!