That's What She Said!

Oh, the miracle of Facebook. It's been fun this past year finding old friends along the digital highway, but even more fun when all can come together in person to celebrate the past. So, it was great when Paula said she would organize a little get-together with a few of the old Cabot crew from 35 years ago. Bama Belles ain't got shit on the Cabot Belles From Hell! Our raucous group consisted of Paula, Shelly, Renee, Pam, Kim, Jodie and whitegirlridingthebus. It was nice to see that we were still 12 year olds at heart, but thank goodness we could now add alcohol to our already sick minds. Being well-bred Arkansans, it's against southern rules to spread gossip first, so Paula had the grand idea to play charades so someone else at the table would speak the unspeakable first. I'm pretty sure the hottest piece of Cabot gossip EVER had something to do with a gay shoe salesman and thumping headboards. I was still discussing with Renee why everyone was talking about Ms. Puss...like who the heck was she? I think I missed something in translation. Booze usually makes my hearing more acute, so I ordered more wine. The more I drank the funnier Paula and Shelly got. Paula continued to hold her shoe in one hand, and a wineglass in the other. Shelly was fully loaded while waving a knife and a wineglass. Pam and Kim were drinking beer, so they weren't as fermented as the winos. Thank goodness for Jodie who didn't drink. Every group needs a mature adult...

I don't know who mentioned slashing tires first ( I'm sure it wasn't me), but hell has no fury like a Cabot mommy scorned. Shelly began to grow horns and a tail as she talked about wanting to get the lil bitch ex-girlfriend of her son's because that tart had broken his heart. This is a prime example of why I love my Arkansas friends. Texas women choose guns for due process, and Arkansas women grab the closest knife. These girls are up close and personal. We were all in agreeance that Shelly had every right to inflict harm on that girl and/or her car, but Shelly was out of control with her wine and knife, so Renee suggested that I call my spiritual advisor, Dr. Thumper, to help Shelly find enlightenment. Shelly would have no part of it. I tried to get Dr. Thumper on the prayer line many times during the evening but to no avail. Paula suggested I fed-ex an autographed book to Shelly when she was calm. Hopefully Santa delivered the good news to her Christmas morning. Thank G-d for the fruit of the vine which our wonderful waitress, Audrey, poured liberally. We had a blast playing charades and sharing prison stories. YaYa's probably won't remember us, so we are all looking forward to round two next year. Pam, you're in charge of bringing Ms. Fureigh because I'm dying to see that old bat. Revenge is definitely a dish best served cold. Ladies, arm yourselves, because that's what she said!!!