Get under the bar! Tornadoes everywhere in central Arkansas this Kentucky Derby weekend. This native Arkansan knows to stop, drop and roll under the nearest bar when those screamin' demon sirens go off. So, might as well go out happy with one last drink. I was in Little Rock for my friend Christian's graduation from grad school/Kentucky Derby party. I get the warm fuzzies when I go back home to be surrounded by my gun-totin', Jeffersonian friends. These people are the salt of the Earth, but I would never want to piss them off since they can shoot much straighter than myself.
Saturday was the Run for the Roses. Christian and Brad had a kick-ass party. All guests were welcome to drink and/or play with Brad's extensive gun collection. The honorary viking was the first to get into the spirit of Derby Day by wielding an AK-47 for the camera. Brad then showed everyone the true way to hold this mofo of a gun. After several party goers ran around with these bad boys, Brad checked to see if the guns were loaded. They weren't, but we were! Maggie and Christian know how to make a mean mint julep.
Race time! Christian got us all teary-eyed during the singing of My Old Kentucky Home when she reminisced about smoking her first cigarette in '93 at Churchill Downs. What precious memories. Then the horses ran, I lost, time for another mint julep; time for the real party. All of Little Rock's finest turned out in their derby hats. My favorite guest was Bama Buff who wasn't afraid to hoist a big-ass rifle and toss back some mint juleps. Put these Little Rock wild women on our country's borders and we will all be able to sleep well at night. The Kentucky Hot Browns were delicious, and the atmosphere electrifying. Lila told us that Alabama was known as the S and M center of America, and Arkansas was #1 in transgenders/sexuals...I forget which one exactly but #1 in trans-something. Jenn amazed us all with her knowledge of Skirt Man and Spandex Man. They are both LR icons. Jenn even helped Skirt Man try on skirts when she worked at Chico's. Who says that Little Rock isn't a liberal hotbed? I've actually seen Spandex Man with his big boner in several central Arkansas eating establishments. Gross! Too much viagra will kill you Spandex Man. Stop the madness.
With more killer tornadoes approaching central Arkansas, I bid adieu to Christian and the gang and headed to Jan and Charlie's to take cover. I always enjoy my visits home especially when parties are involved. All weekends should include guns and horses!
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