The Wonderful Biggest BBQ Cook-off and Drunkfest

Still not being able to quite kill the pneumonia that is roosting in my right lung, I decided that maybe walking thousands of miles around the Reliant Stadium grounds might be exactly what the doctor forgot to order for me. I set off on my bus ride, where we were packed in like sardines, listening to an elderly gentleman scream for 5 miles about everything that was wrong with America today. He wouldn't shut up because I kept interjecting loudly AMEN! every quarter mile. That was fun. Now, off to the rail where I showed a nice lady next to me my cool taser. She was impressed and wanted to know where she could get one. I told her that I was going to buy a bunch of them and sell them on the rail platforms during morning rush hour. She promised she would be my first customer.
Once I got to Reliant, I had to walk FOREVER to get to the drunkfest. Lordy; next time I'll wear Depends and bring an inhaler. Finally I found it, and I knew it was big, but not this stinkin' big. Have we had an influx of asian cowboys recently? Even when I was sober, I saw tons of asians in boots and little shorts.But, I was happy to see that all nationalities enjoy partaking of the Cook-off. It took a few hours, but I eventually found Dirt Road, which is the BEST DAMN BBQ COOK-OFF TEAM EVER. I am biased since this spot belongs to my good friend, Kathy Oxspring and her husband,Bart. It felt good to sit down and drink, and drink,and drink. I talked to the Oxsprings friends, Jay &Kelly Jones. Kelly is a realtor(I think) and Jay kept telling me to buy Jones Oil so I assume he is Jones Oil. Jay's family is from the great state of Arkansas. WooooPigSoooiiieee!!! We swapped Clinton stories ( his mom dated him and I almost slept with him). I had a great time at Dirt Road. More beers later, Kathy's friends, Derrick,Delane and Ryan came by. They were all cute, young and perky, so I guessed we bored them so they left. By the time the sun set, Kathy and friends departed and I stayed to make sure that all the beer didn't go to waste. The band was playing and I talked to many drunken interesting people that I can barely remember. I stumbled around the cook-off looking for my partying friend Lizette, but to no avail. I thought I spotted her half-clad on the mechanical bull...could it have been? Too much fun for one night, but I will definitely put Rodeo Cook-off on my things to do next year. Now I see why they call it the World's Biggest BBQ Cook-off. They should really add Drunkfest to the title ...