Texas Gatorfest

Thanks to my Aggie friend, Ashley, I decided to drive out to Anahuac today to partake in the festivities of Gatorfest. Ashley said she thought I should venture out to hell's half acre to see what all the hype was about. Never listen to a pregnant woman. I'm convinced that the fetus just sucks the ability to think rationally out of the mother's brain. I'm lucky to be alive.
It was about 150 degrees, with little shade in sight, when I arrived at the Texas Gatorfest. I was dying of thirst, and felling dizzy, so I decided that an airboat ride would cure me. What a blast! That's the only way to travel on water. On to find a cool drink. I decided to try some alligator nachos with a gallon of water. Now that's the rub. Feeling refreshed, I was drawn to a tent with lots of knives and a couple of sparsely-toothed men. Mike was from Brenham,  and Dan was from Bell County. Mike makes knives out of stone and deer antlers. They were very knowledgeable about primitive weaponry, so I asked Mike if I could put him on my blog. He said he didn't know what that was, but he was certain he didn't have one. After much explanation, and help from semi-computer literate Dan, Mike said, sure, put him on this blog thing. Wait a minute, Obama's not on my blog, is he? I assured Mike that the federales really weren't interested in my blog, yet, so he was safe. On to the Gulf Coast NRA tent. They were selling $5 raffle tickets to win one of three exciting gun packages. The one I bought a ticket for was the home invasion package. My eye was drawn to this bad-ass shotgun that looked like a machine gun. I can't even remember what other firearm was included in this package because I was so enamored with the assault shotgun. Hope I win!
Time for the Great Texas Gator Roundup. I couldn't decide if the old fossil doing the announcing was cajun, or if I was just losing my hearing, but I could barely understand a word he said. But who needs commentary for this stuff. There was a parade of trucks that would drive up to the scales, stop, then the gator killers would jump out and heave their bounty onto the ground from the truck beds. The announcer kept incoherently yapping as the swamp people would show off their kills. What family fun for a Sunday! These people rocked. I want to go on a gator murderfest soon. I think I'll be an Ice Road Trucker during the winter, and a Gator Cowgirl during the summer. Note to self: lose some teeth soon.

Everyone loves a dead gator

The Texas sun was taking a toll on me, so it was time to head back to H-town. I'm looking forward to my first gator hunt.  Still awaiting word of my home invasion package delivery. A big thumbs up the Anahuac, the Gator Capitol of Texas!

Beer, Quail and Chapstick

The hardest labor I wanted to do this Labor Day weekend, was hoisting that full glass of beer to my mouth, and clicking the up/down channel button on my tv remote. All the right college football teams won Saturday, so what to do the rest of the holiday? Duh, drink more beer. What better place to do that than at the Galveston Brewfest at Moody Gardens. Since I am a patriotic American, I felt it was my duty to give back to my community by volunteering to be a pourer at Brewfest.

Galveston was beautiful and packed. Got to Brewfest, and was assigned to work the New Belgium table. I've never been a fan of their beer, but I am now! The Houston rep for New Belgium, Andy, was there explaining to the drunks all about the beer. He moved to Houston two weeks ago from Fort Collins, CO, which is the home of New Belgium Beer. Andy was a cool, laid-back guy. I liked him because he made frequent trips around Brewfest to drink from the other breweries that were represented. I poured; Andy drank. Everyone wanted to ride the cool Fat Tire bicycle. Sorry, it's for looks only. By the end of the evening, Andy told anyone that stumbled by to take a ride around Brewfest on it, and they did. I was surprised, and a little dismayed , that no one was taken out by the Fat Tire Gone Wild trips. Andy was handing out New Belgium chapstick as a promotional item, and I was fascinated that drunk people got super excited over that shit. Hotel Galvez was set up next to New Belgium. They were serving the most heavenly quail I've ever had. Mothership Wit beer, quail and chapstick were the belles of the Brewfest ball. By the time Brewfest ended, the volunteers were as inebriated as the paying customers. Jennifer, the sales and catering executive of The Tremont House and Harbor House, was kind enough to hook me up with a room at The Tremont. The po-po was out in full force, so I thought it was best to stay on the island and continue my partying.

It took forever to get from Moody Gardens to The Tremont, but it was well worth the hassle. The Strand was rockin', and so was harborside. Shouldn't these people be at Sunday night church services? Every place was packed, so I strolled back to The Tremont to enjoy the rest of my island vacation at their bar. The bartender looked to be about 16 years of age, and acted it, also. She had the bar tv on Extreme Home Makeovers, and seemed really into it. I was about to tell this idiot that this was a bar, not a sorority house, when she became a genius, and switched stations to Nancy Grace. Never judge a book by it's blondness.

The Tremont House was a fabulous place to stay, but it was time to head back to reality Monday morning. The valet guys at The Tremont were friendly. Jay told me he had turned 21 this summer, and partied down in the Bahamas at Atlantis. To be 21 one again...what am I thinking? At 21, I probably couldn't have fully appreciated the tasty pairing of New Belgium Beer, Hotel Galvez quail and a hearty smear of chapstick.

                                                 

                                                                                                    Andy the New Belgium Dude

 

Leah the Fat Tire Race Winner

Jay the Valet