Khon's Suck Fest

Another weekend of Houston International Fest, so I thought I'd make a return visit Saturday since I had such a rockin', good time the week before. Bad decision. The line to get in was as long as the line at the DMV office, and the people were equally as customer friendly as they are there. The elderly, leathery woman behind me snarled " you know you have to have a ticket to be in this line?". Thanks Captain Obvious. I could only hope with her recessive genes that she would leave Ifest with one helluva sunburn. Bitch.

It was too boring for this swinger, so after listening to Los Pistoleros and Zydepunks, I rode the bus to Khon's. This is a great bar on Milam at Drew. Beer is cold and the people are friendly. I told Khon that I would be back on the sabbath to booze it up. Khon said he would be having a crawfish boil after 3pm. Wow-a totally unkosher thing to do, so count me in.

When I returned to Khon's on Sunday, there was Houston's hottest indie musician, Mr. Cory Sinclair of The Manichean. I was elated when hottie Cory invited me to sit at a table with he and his friend, Mark. Mark was a mudbug virgin like me, so I was a little less nervous about my first time sucking head. Cory sucked like a pro. Mark and I started catching on until someone told us we were eating crawfish shit. That sort of took the wind out of my sails. Elation returned upon the arrival of my buds Mary and Shannon. Mary is the Croat, and Shannon is the Bowling Alley Slut. A fun time always follows these head suckers. With the appearance of Justice, Josh, Austin, Ashley and Mo, the suck circle was complete.

Khon's is a great hang-out, and lots of major crawfish sucking went down Sunday. Not that I'd do it again, but I enjoyed the experience and especially the company at the Khon's Suck Fest.

got shrooms?

April means that it's time for the Houston International Fest. This weekend and next weekend, tons of Texans will head downtown for music, food and libations, as we salute the Caribbean. In staying with the Ifest theme, I wore my "got shrooms?" shirt. It always makes for good conversation, and my METRO driver was the first to get a nice chuckle from reading it. Line 82 always has pleasant drivers who seem to enjoy the diversity of their clientale.

I got to Ifest around noon, and headed straight to the beer tent. Something about the sound of steel drums makes me thirsty. I think the beer tent workers had been doing a little quality control with the kegs before I arrived because they were way too happy to see me. Maybe beer just brings out the best in people. I then went shopping and stopped at a cool place called Just Pop It! Debbie and Dan from Kingwood sell these super wonderful bottle poppers with college mascots on them. What a great idea! I bought six of them since that's how many bottles are in a six pack...actually they make great gifts so I stocked up for my friends.

I then headed towards the Louisiana Stage since The Mark May Band featuring Miss Molly was going to play in a little while. Miss Molly brings back blissful memories of the early 90's and Party on the Plaza. Miss Molly used to wear a tiara and crack a huge bull whip over the audience as she sang. Good times, good times. I got sidetracked heading to prepare for Miss Molly, but ended up watching the MacGregor Elementary Steel Band. These kids were awesome. They were so good I had to get another beer. Once again, I was headed to the Louisiana Stage when Justin the King of Ifest grabbed me and told me I could win some shrooms if I made this hellacious putt. He tricked me! But I did get a fabulous conciliation prize of a bottle of Citracal. Now I'm a winner with strong bones!

While waiting on Miss Molly to begin, I talked to a nice lady named Glenda. She told me she was a METRO driver. She's my idol! I believe she said she drove the #20 line, so I will have to check out Miss Glenda's bus one day. As the music started, there was a man wearing a pirate hat with a fake parrot on his shoulder rollerskating to the beat. He was really good. I would have busted my ass several times attempting this guy's dance/skate moves. His name is Cliff, and you can see him rollerskating around Houston often along Westheimer. Who says Houston's not a green city??? FINALLY, the still marvelous Miss Molly was on stage. What a voice, but where's the tiara and whip? I guess she hung those up with the 90's. Miss Molly is still the best in my book. All that music made me thirsty again so I meandered back to the beer tent then off to shop on Bob Marley avenue. Those vendors really enjoyed my shirt which had more than a few beer stains on it by late afternoon. The Caribbean and shrooms make for a perfect Saturday in downtown Houston.

Isaac and the Promised Land

A beautiful Saturday once the storms blew away. Decided to visit Discovery Green to see what Yuri Day was all about. It's great that such a dynamic capitalist city like Houston can pay tribute to the first communist in space, Yuri Gagarin. My bus ride was swell. Marvin the Bus Driver even pulled over to let one of my bus buddies lean out the bus door to hand one of his street buddies a cigarette. I bet the Phillip Morris company loves METRO. Downtown Marvin told me to have a fun, safe day, and I told him I would pray for him once the sun went down.

At the Yuri booth, our own NASA gave me tons of material about space flight. I hope our liberal congress will keep funding NASA because they certainly support our schools. Yuri Gagarin was the first human to go into space on April 12, 1961. Thanks to him the USA decided we'd better beat those russians to the moon, so, in short, that gave birth to our glorious NASA. Thanks Yuri!

The Astros were at home, so Minute Maid Park had the roof open on this sunny spring day. Nice and breezy on my walk through downtown. The corner of Main and Walker is like the epicenter of weekend action. As I was watching a few downtowners get tossed out of the convenience store, I was intrigued by one gentleman who seemed to know everyone and tried to keep the peace. His name is Isaac, and I do believe he is the most interesting downtowner I've interviewed to date. Isaac is 48 and has lived in various locations around the downtown area for 20-plus years. He is a native Houstonian, and he loves his city. Isaac told me he can find up to $200 a weekend along Main St. since all the drunken bar patrons drop money as they are stumbling from bar to bar. Isaac told me that he considered downtown Houston to be the Promised Land. He told me this several times in our conversation so I know this revelation was close to his heart. Isaac pointed out several buildings and told me what was there now and what was there 20 years ago. He showed me the place where his parents bought him his first bicycle when he turned 5 years old. Everyone knows him downtown. Even after his three stints in prison, he would come back home to downtown and his clothes would be waiting for him. Isaac told me that the downtowners take care of each other. He also said that when the bars all close down at night and it's quiet, downtown gives him peace of mind. Isaac is a prodigious reader siting Kellerman, Patterson, Grisham and Cook as some of his favorites. He was a wonderful tour guide. Isaac asked if he could buy me a beer, but I wanted to check out Flying Saucer, which ended up being a little too fake for me. Next time I'll toss one back outside with the prophet of the Promised Land, Isaac!

Houston is a Small City

Rode #82 downtown to Discovery Green on April 3rd for an Earth Day celebration. I thought Earth Day was always April 22nd, but knowing how Houston likes to be a trend-setter, I assumed we just wanted to get a jump on the rest of the USA. Only one rider was threatened by the bus driver to be tossed off if he didn't turn his music down. Now that I think about it, the bus driver looked a lot like Snoop Dogg. Knowing that Snoop Dogg worships plants that are grown naturally from the earth, I think he would make for one helluva fun bus driver on Earth Day.

Discovery Green was filled with earth loving Houstonians, and lots of organizations were there promoting clean/green living for our city. Of course, I had to stop and chat with my peeps at the Metro booth. They were so friendly until I suggested they hire more vegetation loving rap stars to commandeer their busses. Metro had no comment...

As I was leaving and walking to my bus stop, I saw a cool dude wobbling down the middle of the street talking to himself. It was 80 degrees and he was dressed for a heavy snowfall. He made it through the intersection unscathed, so hopefully I can find him next weekend for an interview.

Walking down Milam, I spotted a barefooted gentleman sitting amongst a dozen trash bags. His name is Raul, and he has lived in Houston for 14 years. I asked if the bags were his home, and Raul replied that they housed his winter wardrobe. He said that we might have another cold snap, so he was going to haul them around for another week then dump them. I wonder which bag his shoes were in??? Raul was quite adamant that Houston was a small city and that the biggest city ever was 4 hours east of here. It doesn't have a name, and Raul got a little agitated when I asked if he was talking about New Orleans. He began wildly gesticulating towards the east and proclaiming that HELL NO, it's 4 hours that way! When I asked if I could take his picture, Raul told me no ma'am because his shirt was dirty. He was then fixated on this utopian city 4 hours that way, so it wasn't long before I told him he'd best invest in a good pair of shoes if he was going to walk down the yellow brick road to the biggest city 4 hours that way. Bye Raul...send me a postcard!

Breakfast of Champions

Another beautiful Saturday in Houston,TX. I decided to go downtown to the Anjelika to see the documentary The Art of the Steal. It was great! Took a stroll over to City Hall and met Nathaniel on one of the park benches. He has lived in various locations in downtown Houston for the last 30 years. At dusk, the friendly HPD tells the local park dwellers to move along, so Nathaniel spends most nights under various I-45 bridges. He eats a lot of his meals at the downtown missions, but they don't serve beer for breakfast, so Nathaniel has a couple of favorite convenience stores he stops at to grab two 40 ounce beers every morning. He lived in downtown Boston for awhile. Nathaniel said he liked it better than Houston because he had a job. He said he worked at a research facility that did animal testing. I couldn't make out what he was saying when I asked him exactly what his job was, and I do believe I am thankful for that. I wished Nathaniel well and headed to the bus stop. I boarded the #81 and was the only rider on it, so I thought I'd ask the driver how long he had been driving for Metro. Wrong question! He replied with a snarl that he didn't have to give personal information to NOBODY. I told him that he was correct and took my seat quickly. Most Metro drivers are nice, so I looked on the Metro website to see if it mentions anything about drivers and customer service. Sure enough, it says that bus operators are expected to interact with passengers in a courteous and helpful manner. So, to whomever was driving the #81 route, bus #3614 @ 7pm on 3/27, you're an asshole!

A Streetcar Named Woo Pig Soooiiee

New city, same great characters. I went home to my birthplace, Little Rock, Arkansas, March 13th for spring break. My friend, Jan, and I decided to check out Diamond Bear Brewery at 3rd and Cross St. The #1 bus runs by it, but there's no bus stop close to Jan's house so we drove instead. The first thing I saw when we entered the brewery was a badger skin sitting on a table. Then a large, happy drunk man loudly proclaimed that it was his badger and he was Mark the Professional. Professional what I don't know, but I have my suspicions. He grabbed Jan with a huge badger hug and kept repeating 'badger, badger, badger'.The brewery tour hadn't even started and I had gotten my moneys worth (it was free). The tour and tastings were fabulous, and we were only reprimanded for bad behavior a couple of times. I highly recommend Diamond Bear Brewery if you are ever in Little Rock and want to experience the local color and flavor. Beware the Ides of March! My friends Kelly and Julie told me I should ride the streetcar in downtown to see the sights. What an excellent idea! So, on March 15th, I visited the LR Convention and Visitors Bureau kiosk in the River Market. There I talked to Charlie O the Transplanted Yankee. Charlie O was from Boston but moved to LR a few years ago. He was very friendly, and extremely helpful to this ex-Arkansan. Charlie had that great accent that I imagine confuses some tourists asking for directions in LR. Charlie O went over the streetcar info with me then sent me on my way. I hopped on the Green Line that makes a rectangle around downtown LR. My driver was Jerri L. the Steetcar Conductor. Jerri is a native Arkansan who has lived all over but has driven for Central Arkansas Transit for three years. She, too, was very friendly and helpful. A big thumbs up to the LR streetcars. Later I rode the Blue Line. It takes you over the creek to North Little Rock. Talked to some nice people from Des Moines, IA, who enjoyed the streetcars,also. Back at the River Market I had the pleasure of conversing with Dennis the Shoe Shine Man. Dennis is 60 years old and has been shining shoes all his life. He also makes his on jewelry. Dennis had great stories about shining shoes all over the world.He has never been a convict and has always worked hard to provide for his family and himself. Dennis had some great stories about some well known Arkansas politicians, but these can't be printed until all the old cronies are dead and buried. Little Rock is the place to go if you are looking for beautiful scenery, extraordinary people and fun public transportation.

Give Peace A Chance!

The sun always brings out Houston's finest. I decided to contribute to global warming today and take my car, instead of the bus, to the Quakers Peace Festival on West 26th street. I parked out of sight so the hippies wouldn't slash my carcinogen-spewing, gas-guzzling vehicle. My good friend, Tammy, joined me at the festival. It was way too sedate for two party girls like us, so we said Happy Trails to the vegans and jumped in Tammy's luxury, fossil fuel burning car and headed to Cedar Creek. A couple of blocks away we encountered this cool dude riding a cooler. We had to talk to this American patriot. Anyone riding a cooler down a Houston street while proudly displaying our American flag is tops in my book. His name is Bobby the Surfer and he restores antiques and keeps the neighborhood supplied with beer. Flashback to 1971! Make love not war! I'm pretty sure his shorts were vintage Vietnam war era. Bobby gave me a tour of his cruisin' cooler and it rocked. Tammy and I look forward to our next visit with Bobby the Surfer. On to Cedar Creek where I spied some fellow co-workers relaxing on Peace Day. Then we met some cool dudes that were fans of whitegirlridingthebus. They gave me some suggestions for future bus adventures. They also told me that James and I would make a smokin' hot couple...we'll see. Either #26 or #27 will take me close to this happening section of town, so stay tuned for when I ride the bus and make new friends.

*** Bobby the Surfer's cruisin' cooler was actually motorized!!! ***